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Unthinkable Dreams
The Year That Mom Died and the Towers Fell
Foreword by Malka Drucker and Nadya Gross
Imprint: Resource Publications
Yesh Ballon's mother died two days before the 9/11 attacks. Always an iconoclast, even in death, Jean Hymson Ballon found a way to make things more interesting than they had to be. With air travel halted, the rituals for honoring and mourning her death were upended, propelling her family into chaos, conflict, and deeper grief. Unthinkable Dreams: The Year That Mom Died and the Towers Fell is the chronicle of the drama, discoveries, and occasional delights that one family experienced in the months before and after their matriarch's death.
An important part of this journey was discovering how to listen to their dying mother speak when much of her words made little rational sense. Yesh Ballon describes the surprising emergence of his mother's spirituality; how his relationship with her blossomed, even as her body and mind withered; and how this connected to his own spiritual journey. As he probes this difficult time, he opens his heart and demonstrates how embracing compassion can move people from separation to connection, even though the route is neither straight nor continuous. Above all, Unthinkable Dreams is a book about healing, and a model for harvesting from the past, in order to plant seeds and leave a legacy for the future.
Yeshaya Douglas Ballon, spiritual mentor, teacher, artist, and retired architect, received certification from ALEPH: Alliance for Jewish Renewal as a Mashpia Ruchani (Spiritual Director) and as a Vatik (Sage-ing® Mentor). He is editor and author of A Precious Heritage: Rabbinical Reflections on God, Judaism, and the World in the Turbulent Twentieth Century (2017).
“At the heart of this story is Jean Ballon, a woman of extraordinary contradictions—willing to astound and confound with her unbridled independence and salty language, while beneath the surface lie her passionate humanity and deep reverence. . . . It is little surprise that her departure from life would be the source of this deep and revealing tale of conflict, compassion, forgiveness, and love.”
—David Saperstein, former US Ambassador-at-Large for International Religious Freedom
“In reading Unthinkable Dreams, I fell in love with this family! I observed their devotion to their ailing mother, their grief after her death . . . and their subsequent sibling squabbles. Ballon delivers a touching and unvarnished story of a family physically and emotionally divided. It was inspiring to witness the journey of faith and love that ultimately reunited them.”
—Maggie Callanan, coauthor of Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs, and Communications of the Dying
“Ballon tells a passionate tale of his mother’s life and death. It is a personally unique and universally human story of a family wrestling with the complexity of love and loss. Interweaving personal narrative, ritual practices of Jewish tradition, and the reality of life immediately after the 9/11 tragedy, this book is profoundly relevant for all of us dealing with death and grief today.”
—Simcha Raphael, author of Jewish Views of the Afterlife
“Ballon offers many insights into how families handle the death of a parent. . . . Many Jewish families who have dealt with death will recognize themselves in the particular dynamic of Unthinkable Dreams, but non-Jews, too, will relate to its deeper themes of grief, family tensions, the urge to reconcile, and the power of religious ritual.”
—Mark Edward Brennan, Bishop of Wheeling-Charleston
[FOR FRONT MATTER:]
“At the heart of this story is Jean Ballon, a woman of extraordinary contradictions—willing to astound and confound with her unbridled independence and salty language, while beneath the surface lie her passionate humanity and deep reverence. I had the great joy of personally witnessing the fullness of her humor, her talents, and her commitment to Judaism; and the honor of calling her my friend. It is little surprise that her departure from life would be the source of this deep and revealing tale of conflict, compassion, forgiveness, and love. Yesh Ballon honors the memory of his mother with this earnest exposition of his family and of his personal spiritual journey.”
—David Saperstein, former US Ambassador-at-Large for International Religious Freedom and Director emeritus, Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism
“In Unthinkable Dreams, Yeshaya Ballon offers a touching, soul-searched memoir that is remarkable for the author’s honesty, deep self-analysis, and pinpoint clarity of expression. For anyone who has endured the loss of a loved one or will at some time in the future, Ballon’s book will be an instructive and inspiring resource.”
—Stephen Lewis Fuchs, former President, World Union for Progressive Judaism, and Rabbi, Bat Yam Temple of the Islands, Sanibel, Florida
“In reading Unthinkable Dreams, I fell in love with this family! I observed their devotion to their ailing mother, their grief after her death—intensified by the 9/11 attacks—and their subsequent sibling squabbles. Yesh Ballon delivers a touching and unvarnished story of a family physically and emotionally divided. It was inspiring to witness a journey of faith and love that ultimately reunited them.”
—Maggie Callanan, coauthor of Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs, and Communications of the Dying
“Yesh Ballon tells a passionate tale of his mother’s life and death. It is a personally unique and universally human story of a family wrestling with the complexity of love and loss. Interweaving personal narrative, ritual practices of Jewish tradition, and the reality of life immediately after the 9/11 tragedy, this book is profoundly relevant for all of us dealing with death and grief today.”
—Simcha Raphael, author of Jewish Views of the Afterlife
“In the Torah, our holy Scriptures, our ancestors gave us stories of messy family entanglements because the work we do to forgive, make peace, and receive our legacies forms the foundation for the spiritual work of liberation. Unthinkable Dreams sends us to that work. It details a wise and generous process of coming into the fullness of love and wisdom through introspection, reconciliation, and the lifting up of truth. Ballon’s story sparkles with clarity, humor, and insight. It sends each of us to the joyful work of receiving our complicated and precious legacies in the spirit of adventure.”
—Shefa Gold, author of Are We There Yet? Travel as a Spiritual Practice
“In Unthinkable Dreams, Yesh Ballon tells the story of the death of his remarkably spirited mother, Jean, in the context of both the national tragedy of the 9/11 attacks and of his own spiritual journey as he searches for a Judaism that speaks to the heart as well as to the head. A moving and original exploration of the mourning process, inter-familial relations, and Jewish ritual practice.”
—Steven Shankman, Professor of English and UNESCO Chair in Transcultural Studies, Interreligious Dialogue, and Peace, University of Oregon
“Storytelling, especially of the deeply authentic, personal-accounting kind, is one of the most powerful ways to illuminate seemingly obvious but not yet understood truths. In Unthinkable Dreams, Yesh Ballon offers up his own personal family story to illuminate how healing can happen—when we can move from separation to connection—when we embrace compassion.”
—Yosaif August, coauthor of Help Me to Heal and cofounder of Menschwork
“Yesh Ballon’s book about his beloved mother touches the heart. He teaches us to dig deep into the stories, lessons, and connections we have with our loved ones. As we peel back layer after layer, we find more lessons buried in everyday encounters recalled. The struggles honestly described in Unthinkable Dreams beautifully exemplify the growth that comes from reflection, confrontation with parts of ourselves we want to reject, and empathy and acceptance. This is a book of healing. It models compassion, forgiveness, and love. It is a treasure.”
—Nathaniel Ezray, Senior Rabbi, Congregation Beth Jacob, Redwood City, California
"Unthinkable Dreams is the memoir of how one family loved and lost its mother. It tells of how they tended to her in her last days, how they bickered and squabbled with each other under the stress, and how they came to reconcile with each other and with themselves after her death. It is very well written. On almost every page there is a crisp metaphor or a sharply worded truth that makes us sit up and notice. It leaves us with an honest report of how devastating grief can be, and how lonely and isolating it is for a person to walk the road that leads from love to loss.”
—Jack Riemer, author of Finding God in Unexpected Places and The Day I Met Father Isaac in the Parking Lot
“Yesh Ballon has written a candid and fascinating story of how his Jewish family dealt with the death of their mother just two days before the terrorist attacks of 9/11. Along the way, he offers many insights into how families handle the death of a parent. As a Catholic, I recognize, as Yesh does, the value of religious rituals to express grief at a loved one’s death and, in some ways, to keep it within bounds. I wholeheartedly agree that our respective religions urge us to forgive and reconcile with our enemies and that compassion toward others—and in some ways, toward ourselves—opens the way to create or repair connections between persons. I think that many Jewish families who have dealt with death will recognize themselves in the particular dynamic of Unthinkable Dreams, but that non-Jews, too, will relate to its deeper themes of grief, family tensions, the urge to reconcile, and the power of religious ritual. I enjoyed reading Unthinkable Dreams and I trust others will as well.”
—Mark Edward Brennan, Bishop of Wheeling-Charleston
“In Unthinkable Dreams, Yesh Ballon gives us a personal and thought-provoking eulogy to his mother Jean. In the unfolding of his reflection, we come to learn the arc of his journey, from separation to connection through the window of compassion. We encounter a journey from loss to adjustment and learn lessons about the power of family as well as the art of flexibility and personal growth.”
—Richard F. Address, Director, Jewish Sacred Aging