It’s Not Me, It’s You!

“In this important book, Karyne Messina vividly explores narcissism and the toxic template for relationships of abuse, exploitation, and violence that narcissists employ. She exposes their pervasive influence throughout society, ranging from school and workplace bullying, domestic violence, cyberbullying, racial and homophobic abuse, corporate crime, sex trafficking, and climate denial, to the full-scale assault on democracy by narcissistic leaders worldwide. It’s Not Me, It’s You! is vital reading in our era of disordered minds.”


—Ian Hughes, author of Disordered Minds: How Dangerous Personalities Are Destroying Democracy





“Karyne Messina’s It’s Not Me, It’s You! uses clear, accessible language to talk about an imposing source of human suffering—projective identification and blame shifting characteristic of narcissistic personalities—that manifests itself in various forms, including bullying, racism, mean-girl behavior, homophobia, workplace relationships, domestic violence, and pathological political leadership. This is an articulate, compassionate, thoughtfully organized book that considerably exceeds the expectations of a self-help genre work, largely because of Messina’s extensive clinical experience as a psychologist and psychoanalyst.”


—Richard Wood, author of A Study of Malignant Narcissism: Personal and Professional Insights





“There are several texts on how toxic people manipulate others, but this book is so valuable since it also gives the reader instructions on how to deal with such people: Refuse to allow the projector or blame-shifter to accuse you of what he or she has thought, felt, or done. To do this, you must let abusers know that the negative thoughts and accusations sent your way do not belong to you.”


—Robert M. Gordon, licensed psychologist





“This long-awaited book is an important publication because it clearly explains an important defense mechanism called projective identification that has previously been known to only a select group of mental health practitioners. . . . In this book, Dr. Messina describes how projective identification may be affecting anyone’s life and what one can do about it.”


—Harry Gill, medical director, Embark Cabin John and J Snyder Therapeutic Services