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I Was Gone Long Before I Left
What Living in the Monastery for Twenty-Five Years Taught Me about Life
Imprint: Resource Publications
In St. Teresa of Avila's classic spiritual book Interior Castle she describes a difficult period of time in her spiritual journey when she said, "When I think of myself, I feel like a bird with a broken wing." When I left the monastery thirty-eight years ago, this was exactly how I felt. I Was Gone Long Before I Left is the story about my interior struggle to leave the monastery after living this lifestyle for over twenty-five years. It explores the reasons why I went to the monastery, why I stayed, why I eventually left, and what I have learned. Maybe more importantly, it describes the many years of mental anguish, confusion, and depression that I went through to finally make this decision. It has brought back many painful memories and experiences and called for an honesty and vulnerability that I found daunting. For over thirty-eight years, I have been unable to write about my experience of life in the monastery because I felt ashamed. For years, I thought about leaving, but couldn't make this decision because I felt paralyzed psychologically and emotionally. Now, after all these years, I have found the courage to share my story.
Peter C. Wilcox, a psychotherapist and spiritual director for over thirty years, holds a doctorate in theology from the Catholic University of America and has taught at the Washington Theological Union, Loyola University, Maryland, and St. Bonaventure University, New York. For many years he has directed retreats and conducted seminars on personality development and spiritual growth, and he is the author of six books. Dr. Wilcox and his wife, Margaret, live in Aiken, South Carolina.
“Peter Wilcox examines the painful life decision of leaving priesthood after twenty-five years, during a time of turmoil in the monastery, the Catholic Church, and the country. The author, a spiritual director and psychotherapist, turns his therapeutic skills inward and reflects on his anger, fear, and loneliness. His transparency and empathy can guide readers to look creatively at their past life decisions and learn to create a healthier future.”
—Mike Buckley, adult educator and educational sales representative
“Mark Twain said, ‘The two most important days in your life are: the day you were born and the day you discovered why.’ This discovery is every person’s challenge—if one accepts it. Peter offers us an example, sharing a unique and honest self-disclosure of his life’s journey into this discovery, a sojourn that is never complete until our last breath. Readers may glean spiritual and psychological insights into their own quest to find their true selves.”
—Dennis S. Dolasinski, a brother pilgrim
“Peter Wilcox’s book is an amazing and honest embrace of a courageous and inspiring journey from teenage years through seminary training and priesthood—to a second journey and significant change in life’s direction. . . . This is a book for you if you have ever been ‘gone before you left’ : a lifestyle, a career, a profession, a vocation, or a job. Or if you are thinking about this.”
—Lillian K. Gibbons, retired public health professional