Letters to Peter
On the Journey from Grief to Wholeness
Preface by Herbert Anderson
Epilogue by Walter Brueggemann
Imprint: Cascade Books
"Dad. I've got very, very, very bad news. Peter was killed tonight . . ."
With that middle-of-the-night phone call, life for the Mayer family plunged from "best-ever year" to months and years of dealing with the oppressive presence of Peter's unending absence.
A letter from his father to the freshly deceased Peter, intended for the memorial service, became the first in a torrent of letters from his dad to Peter, though which his dad poured out agonized and angry grief. In the letters, Peter's dad laments the way events otherwise beautiful for Peter's wife, five-year-old daughter, and the rest of the family are relentlessly punctuated with the pain of the loss. "Dammit, Peter, why didn't you . . .?"
Ultimately, slowly, the letters begin to reflect on the strange mystery of healing. How is it that in spite of the pain, in spite of the unending loss, comfort does come, opening the way once again for unbelievably deep joy?
"It was all so rich and beautiful that with a certain private touch, and exchange of glance, your mom and I signaled an agreement . . . slipped to our cave . . . with playful freedom and deep gratitude."
So for Peter's dad, the confirmation of the odd observation from Jesus: "How blessed are those who grieve!"
Donald E. Mayer is a retired minister of the United Church of Christ, advisory board chair, and adjunct faculty for the School of Theology and Ministry, Seattle University.
"So how does a minister address the sudden, potentially faith-shattering loss of his adult son, Peter? I wondered . . . In each letter, I heard the soulful humanness of grief calling out. Letters to Peter affirmed and expanded my understanding of the mysterious and expansive nature of faith and of God. The religious and theological underpinnings became universal and philosophical in probing for meaning. What an extraordinary relationship evolves through these letters . . . Father and son become one."
--Molly Greist
stone sculptor, bereaved parent
"These poignant letters testify to the great affection between a father and son. Mayer's plaintive cry of "how could you?" points up the apparent senselessness of the sudden death of a young person. His lamentation echoes some of the great biblical sorrows down through the centuries. The letters will be of particular help to all those suffering grief and loss, no matter what the circumstances."
--Patrick Howell SJ
Rector, Jesuit Community, Seattle University
Former dean of the School of Theology and Ministry
"Don Mayer's Letters to Peter is not only a touching and very engaging book, it is also a magnificent example of effective grief work. Starting out with sorrow and rage he progresses to serious contemplation of the deeper questions of life, death, and healing. He allows the reader to experience this very personal journey of healing. I strongly recommend this book to anyone who has or even hasn't experienced this kind of grief and loss."
--Susan Koch, retired schoolteacher
"Some ministers leave people wondering if they are actually real human beings or just someone playing a role. Though we never doubted the reality of Don's humanity, this volume confirms it's depth, grace, and passion."
--Anthony B. Robinson, author of Common Grace
"Don Mayer's eloquent letters to his dead son express many of the conflicting feelings that we share when a beloved person dies: debilitating grief, overwhelming sadness, continuing disbelief, persistent loneliness. But also anger at the absent person, anger at those whose efforts to offer comfort may be clumsy or tactless, anger at God. Gradually, Don's letters reveal a path to acceptance, and even gratitude, through the redemptive power of family, friends, music, prayer, ordinary activities, and faith in the One who has "been our dwelling place in all generations."
--Susan Delanty Jones, retired lawyer and parent who lost a young child